Dependence or Despair
A blog about discovering a God worth knowing.
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I’ve always looked at my ability to fail with such despair. I’ve viewed this propensity to stumble with great shame. But this morning as I woke up from a dream, I was challenged by this way of thinking. I don’t even remember what the dream was, but as I woke up, I saw there’s a space around me, a buffer of dependence, that God has given me as a gift. I see that I’m surrounded by a cushion of need and dependence purposely put there by God. Simply stated, to Him, my weakness is not the tragedy I make it.
My weakness is a blessed handicap requiring me to depend on God. I’m encased in a bubble of requirement; it requires me to require Him as my vital necessity. Because I am His and He is mine, my faltering steps lead me to Him.
All of a sudden I see my spiritual clumsiness through the eyes of Grace. Instead of condemnation, I see it as a gift. I need to lean on God. I am dependent on Him to carry me. So instead of looking at my ability to fall as a great source of despair, I see it through this dream scenario as a wonderful place of dependence.
Imagine looking at stupidity with new eyes, as a positive rather than a place that’s shameful. Seeing my sheep-ness as a gift rather than a burden. This is, straight up, an odd view for this neurotic. I can just as easily tuck my tail and slink away. Or, more likely, punish myself for not being better. But God is giving me new light on this. He’s given me a seeing of His grace and gift that supersedes the despair and shame. I need Him, and He has made sure if it.
I am needy, I am needy, I am needy! Instead of cursing my weakness, failure and inability, I am choosing to embrace it, rejoice, and praise God for it.
If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am.
2 Corinthians 11:30 NLT
Paul gloried in his weakness, knowing that in these areas God would be shown strong. Imagine not maximizing our strength or punishing our weakness but instead letting God be God in our every moment. Let’s live with something beyond resignation to our humanity, perhaps a celebration that He is so very able in that humanity. Maybe my weaknesses aren’t stronger than my God’s ability to perform. This truly is a boast-worthy place!