A blog about discovering a God worth knowing.
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The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now He commands all people everywhere to repent…
Acts 17:30 ESV
After seeing so starkly my sin of fear (as laid out in my last post), I began repenting. I spent the whole day repenting. I am tired of fear, guilt and condemnation, so I wanted to get to the root of it. I was listening to a Robin Mark song called “Liberation Praise,” and in it he says:
“All the chains that once had bound me
fell away the day that you had found me
on my knees before your throne (repentance).
Prison walls around me broken
and the gates before me open
come away my fairest one.”
I thought to myself, “Wait, if freedom is the final result of repenting from fear, why I am still fearful?” Some months ago, John sent me Martha’s booklet, Seeing Him, from the Loving God Series. Immediately I felt there was a lesson I hadn’t learned from this booklet, and since I didn’t have the copy with me, I downloaded it to my phone. I scoured it, pleading with the Lord to show me what I was missing.
On page 22, I read, “If you don’t fully repent, you carry a vague, illusive guilt at all time, 24 hours a day. You never seem to get it off your back” (condemnation). I saw that fear, guilt and condemnation would persist where my repentance was incomplete. And where my repentance is incomplete, I will not experience the power of forgiveness. Where there is no forgiveness, there is no freedom, and where there is no freedom, the root of fear has not been severed.
So later that day, I called my wife to see what she thought, and I asked her, “Do you think some of Acey’s fear and issues with affection are related to my fear? Because I think they are.” She responded, “Well, I think you’re right. I’ve repented for my fear issues with him, and I think you’re headed in the right direction.”
So I was devastated with the revelation of myself, and at the same time, opened my heart for any other words He might speak. I was driving my truck, on my way to a delivery, and I was listening to a song by Rend Collective called “The Art of Celebration.” One of the lines says:
“He pulls me close with nail scarred hands into His everlasting arms. When condemnation grips my heart and Satan tempts to despair, I hear the voice that scatters fear the great I am the Lord is here.”
All of a sudden I’m having a God moment while driving my Red Bull truck to my next stop and tearing up big time. I saw that the reason I had lived in condemnation for so long is that I had never experienced true forgiveness. The issue of imparting fear to my son, bringing him into bondage, was flushing out my need for deep and complete repentance of FEAR! I saw myself as a slave to fear, and I felt it had to be a complete seeing and exhaustive repentance for the freeing rivers of forgiveness to flow.