Poetry: The One-I-Need
Author: Martha Kilpatrick 9 January 2008
I sought Him as the One-I-Need.
I followed where I thought He went.
I gave all my hopes to His keeping,
knew all my dreams in Him, fulfilled.
But He wouldn't fill me.
I longed to know Him, as Glorious God of my life,
the keeper of the secret of my soul.
And so I learned of Him in every place,
I knocked on every door...read long hours
in books, in Word, searching for the One-I-Need.
I listened to the Preaching Ones, and
longed to know Him as they did, but
while they cast a little light upon His Mystery,
I was never satisfied by their witness.
For He wouldn't be known.
I roamed the sod in search of any glimpse of Him.
I was not proud, I wanted even any scent
of His departure,
and any print of foot
where He had walked and passed on...
As He wouldn't linger.
I found Him by a glance in places, here and there.
He sometimes let me see His face and touch His
presence...but only briefly, then He fled.
Like some wild and shy being, it seemed He was
hiding in the hills from a predator. . .
and it was me!
But He wouldn't be found.
And while my needs were richly filled and I was saved
in life's mad assault, still
I needed more and evermore of Him.
the One-I-Need was ever on my mind.
I thought, "How could you refuse the one-who-needs you so,
leave me half fed and never fully full? Didn't you promise
rivers, vigor, excess?
I wait, I search. I do not run from You!
And yet You hide the Illusive Treasure, buried somewhere
I have yet to find and dig."
But He wouldn't be discovered.
On I went, for I so needed the One-I-Need that
I could not abandon the search,
the quest for some connection that I could hold and keep.
Never to let go of Him should I ever
possess His being-there.
But He wouldn't be held.
I would sing to coax His coming.
I would worship in His absence and wait for His pleasure
I would serve the tables of my life, in hopes He watched.
But He wouldn't be wooed.
And the storm came, it swirled around my mind
and its rage fed my terror and I cowered.
Evil torrents battered me.
But He wouldn't calm the storm.
The boiling fire came, burning all my prizes,
leaving ashes of my dreams.
And He wouldn't quench the flames.
At last, I quit my digging and took up 'waiting.'
Weary of reading, lost to listening, I sank down
to merely sit before His distant presence.
"If it pleases You to leave me here,
then it pleases me.
Your pleasure, Lord, is my pleasure."
And the One-I-Need became the One-Who-Is.
And I saw Him as Majestic God Who will not
be captured nor used.
He cannot be mastered and He will not bow.
He is GOD
He will move in His own direction and time is
His to lavish as He pleases.
He can waste me if He likes.
He is God.
He lives IN me - yes - but He lives in me
to consume my selfish greed into
the vastness of His dominion until I am lost into
HIS impassioned need...
till I am IN Him.
He will not be contained but He will swallow me...
until I am just a tiny speck in the depths
of His Glorious Vastness.
I will never 'have' Him.
but I can let Him 'have' me...
then - only then - will I possess Him
by His Permanent Presence.
So I no longer search for the food of His presence to
sustain my existence till I die.
I seek my death now more in earnest
than I ever sought
My hungry search had been His joy,
and all my fevered need,
His heart's delight.
And He turned to meet me.
I plead now to be devoured by Him, to be His simple fare,
consumed and absorbed into His being,
drowned in the sweep of His passion for
His own Idea.
"Take me, Colossal Lion of Judah, and feast for your need,
burn me until I am empty.
Consume me till I am gone.
My need! My greatest, awful need
is to be devoured...not fed."
John 15 Abide in Me...
Deut. 4:29 NIV But if from there you seek the Lord your God,
you will find Him if you look for Him
with all your heart and with all your soul.
Matthew 6:33 KJ Seek ye first the kingdom of God...
Copyright © 1999 Martha Kilpatrick... less Poem
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